Sorry to hear things are so rough. I will say with confidence you do have options. You aren’t stuck. It will take time and hard work on your part, but happiness with lack of med can be accomplished. Here’s a good video: Alternatives To Pharmaceuticals. I’d really suggest getting into a type of meditation which allows you to get control over your emotions. See the Life Mastery Program here, or you may be able to find something else. Once you get better control of your emotions, you can start to wean yourself off the meds. There are nutritional approaches that can help you with this also. The big thing is to start inside. Get the right training so you can take charge of your life, from the inside out.