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I just caught my fiance of 6 yrs cheating on me with at least 4 different girls online. I don’t know whether he did it in person or not, he’s away a lot for work. I’m lost…. I don’t know what to do, if I kick him out I’m afraid he will harm himself.
Dear Voyent,
My heart goes out to you and your fiance. He suffers low self-esteem if he is pursuing such dishonest avenues as a distraction. You have probably read that online cheating can be just as heartbreaking and damaging as a physical relationship. I do have some experience with this issue myself and have done exercises in the program to clear my psyche and help me move forward. I am a work in progress, so take my advise for what it is worth.
I know you must be very upset. I find polarizing exercises between peacefulness and fear helpful. Specifically, envision what you would feel if you and he resolve issues and he gets help for his issues or you and he peacefully end things for the positive polarity. For the negative polarity, envision him harming himself because you end things with him or the pain you continue to suffer if he refuses to change his behavior.
Also, try connection exercises where you see yourself inside of him begin to view the world as he saw/sees/will see it. Try examining his causes of low self-esteem and background that may be promoting/enabling his painful choices. Try to remove yourself enough to get a clearer perspective on all of this, even if it means taking a weekend off to visit trusted family/friends. Even keeping a dream dictionary would help, especially if you are able to do lucid dreaming.
Above all, do not blame yourself for your fiance’s conduct. He has pain within himself that he either cannot identify or does not wish to tackle at present. While he is the only one who can reconcile and change his behavior, I applaud you for trying to be compassionate in your response to him. If he truly is suicidal and you need to leave to protect yourself, try and enlist the help of a counselor, family, and friends. If you can afford it, try and reach out to Dale during one of his weekend special offers for intuitive counseling. Even ten minutes could give you specific ideas of how to move forward.
Godspeed,
L
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