- This topic has 5 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated by Dale.
February 1, 2019 at 1:18 pm #18673
So I have been having complications with my son and I am at a loss as to how to help him. Every day he does stuff he knows he’s not supposed to do. From not participating in school to deliberately egnoring everything he is told to the point where he puts others in danger because he wants to do something his not supposed to do. This has been going on every day for months and I am at my last straw and on a verge of a breakdown because I don’t know how to get threw to him. He’s only 8. But he has proven behave worse then any child I have ever known. He can be such a good, helpful kid with a warm heart. I need to know how to help him to be the best he can be in the future. If anyone can help me with advice as to what I need to do differently in order for my son to be a good person, it would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for your time
CynthiaFebruary 3, 2019 at 11:07 am #18689
- United States
As I focus on your situation, my intuition is screaming: get the attention off of your son and back on yourself. Get yourself to where, no matter what he does, you are able to stay in control of yourself, calm, and cool.
This will put you in a better situation where you can outsmart the challenges, specifically, his behavior. There are things which can be done to guide him, to influence him, but you’ve got to get better control over yourself first.
When you are hopeless, stressed, full of anxiety, or fearful, he can sense this, even if you try to hide it. These emotions also shut down your ability to see things clearly, to come up with solutions, and they block your intuition.
Like many kids, he’s highly psychic. He’s absorbing your emotions. In fact, I’m sensing part of the issue is he’s feeding off of your reactions. He does something, you react, he reacts to your reaction – the end result is a nuclear explosion. In fact, a lot of his negative behavior is a tactic to get that initial first reaction from you – negative attention.
I’m not blaming you, merely saying it’s a factor sometimes in why he’s behaving in the way he does.
Years ago, I worked as a counselor in crisis center. I was assigned to a group of kids, ranging in ages 10-17. I was at that particular center for around 2 years and had the pleasure of getting to know about 500 kids, sometimes being in charge of 20 at a time. I often put in 16 hours days.
Many of these kids came off the street. They were runaways, young gangsters, many of which had criminal histories and some were sexual deviants.
I get it. You might be thinking “they weren’t your kids” so you can’t understand what it’s like for me. At the same time, I did learn a lot. The biggest lesson: in tough situation like this, you must have compete control over yourself. Otherwise, the battle is lost even before it begins.
The kids in that center would devour anyone who couldn’t maintain internal control. I saw this happen several times with other counselors. In fact, people would get the job, show up one day, get shredded into pieces, and never come back.
Strengthening yourself from the inside out is probably the most radical, long-term solution to helping your son. He needs you to be strong. Consider taking the following steps:
Make high-intensity exercise a regular part of your life. I’m not talking about walking – get into something like kickboxing, circuit training, etc. Get yourself “regularly” during exercise to where you are about to either pass out of vomit. This level of physical exercise will help burn off the heavy emotions you are experiencing. I will help to prevent this garbage from building up within your body, which I’m confident to say is already happening. If you can’t sign up to a gym, consider “stairs” and other methods which are free.
You could get your son involved too – get him so exhausted everyday so he doesn’t have any fight left in him.
Counseling may help a little, but “just talking about it” might not get your very far. I would consider getting some training which will allow you maintain absolute internal control over yourself, no matter what you son does or doesn’t do. It may seem impossible, but with the right training, this is completely possible. I use techniques like this everyday to maintain control over myself.
I suggest exploring our Life Mastery Program (on this site) or you may be able to find something similar elsewhere. Regardless, get some tools you can use to shift you from being the victim, to the level-headed mom who is focused on solutions. Our program also has some incredible methods for communication and influencing others, when everything else seems to fail.
I’d also look into some parenting books written for your type of situation. Here are the results on Amazon for “Parenting difficult Kids”
Look at the reviews. See what other’s are saying and pick up a couple of the top sellers.
Maybe I’m missing something, but I’m not seeing a strong positive male influence around you son. Consider getting him into karate of something similar, so he can get this influence. Some karate schools are also great at teaching discipline and respect.
The good news: There are solutions. You aren’t stuck. I’m sure of things can be done to improve this – you just have to be smart about how you approach it.
Hope these suggestions help. Let us know your thoughts.
- Dale SellersFebruary 3, 2019 at 11:55 am #18692
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I took a psychic look and I”m getting the same thing as Dale. Good suggestions!February 5, 2019 at 10:00 pm #18696
Thank you for your advice. I have noticed that my emotions are hard for me to get control of. I’ve been trying to figure of how to help myself. I will take your advice and find a way to burn this energy to help my son and I. I’ve been considering doing this really hard yoga routine lately. I’ve never done yoga before but it was really challenging when I tried this video. I can find ways to have my son burn that energy away as well. I can see how he would need it as well. Thank you again!
CynthiaMaeFebruary 5, 2019 at 10:09 pm #18697
I know yoga might not seem like a high intensity exercise. Trust me, this one is! Lol.
I feel it’ll be the perfect place to start. I will also look into the parenting material you suggested.
I really do appreciate your time and advice! I will keep you two posted about the progress.
Thank you again
CynthiaMaeFebruary 6, 2019 at 3:00 pm #18698
- United States
Some types of yoga will probably do the job. As long as you are huffing, puffing, and sweating, this should help burn off the emotional junk.
Remember though, it’s more important to get better control of the emotions so you don’t get toxified in the first place. Rather than a temporary fix, this is the real solution.
Yes, emotions are difficult to control for most people…because we don’t know how to accomplish this. No one teaches us this skill in life. In fact, we are mostly taught to be out of control emotionally – by our parents, society, love songs, etc.
This is what motivated me to get training. I’m allergic to suffering, so many years ago I decided to do something about it.
I can say with full confidence: You can get control over yourself internally if you have the right tools. We offer emotional control training through LifeLeap, or you might be able to find something elsewhere.
Regardless, I encourage you to do whatever it takes to get internal control – otherwise, it may be difficult to make improvements with the challenges surrounding your son. Good luck!
- Dale Sellers
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