Hi Matt, i read a little bit of your bio based from your posts. You are loved, you are not alone. Just stop questioning the the things that you don’t understand in life, but let it reveal it’sself to you. In time you will know who you are where you stand and what Gods purpose is for you in life. I am a firm Christian so i truly believe that. My answer to your question is simple. God is love. If you want learn more about him open the book (bible) for starters and meet likeminded people. Good luck on your journey and many blessings to you. Let the Angels set a warm circle of protection around your heart and soul.