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July 1, 2020 at 1:45 pm #19978
Before I go into anything, I truly appreciate any insight from anyone who can give it.
My partner and I love each other very much. There is love like no other in our relationship, I am sure of that. But there is so much dark energy surrounding us. Our relationship seems forever tarnished by different hurts that I caused him multiple times within the first year of our relationship, mainly the first six months. This was all during a time when I was a very different person. I was young, very lost, extremely low self-esteem, essentially living a life so deep in lies and surrounded by lies that I couldn’t even see how wrong everything was. I didn’t have that chance or the years to “grow up” in the real world or grow out of my behaviours before I met my partner, who is 10 years older than I am. (I have never cheated on him though, for the record. It was nothing like that.) I am beyond ashamed to say that my hurt turned him from a jovial, confident, cheeky and very secure man, into someone completely insecure, compulsive in his need to know, neurotic, angry and hateful person.
It’s been seven years, but it’s as if nothing has changed. It’s as if I had caused him the hurt just yesterday. The hurt I caused him is linked to my personal past, the earlier years of my life, and that has caused him to go digging into every nook and cranny of my past. Everything we do, anything we talk about, everywhere we go, every food or drink or sport, any person or name, any website or phrase or expression, any movie or show or book, anything you could possibly think of, he has a compulsion to know if it is associated with my damn past–a past which I have left behind in every way possible, so much so that the only thing that truly links me to my past now, ironically, is my partner. He can’t seem to get out of living in the past, no matter the fact that it’s been years since I have changed. Everything seems to be a reminder of my past or how I hurt him, even in the most obscure ways, he can be reminded of the past. Needless to say, nothing good happens when he is reminded of my past or our past when I hurt him. He says it’s like a tug-of-war inside him every day, several times a day–between remembering how much I have changed, how much I love him, how much I have proven that vs my past, how I was, what I did, what I did to hurt him.
It’s simply too long a story to into detail, but he has said something repeatedly during our arguments that have only been significant to me since I have started exploring energies, meditation, chakras and psychic abilities. There have been a number of times when he and I were in a fight, when he commented off-handedly that he must have murdered someone in his past life to deserve this. i.e. all the hurt I caused him, as well as a number of unfortunate things that have been happening to him in recent years. It’s been making me wonder a couple of things.
1. Is there something that I did in any of my past lives that has brought such negative energies or karma into this life of mine?
2. Is there really something that he did in any of his past lives that is causing his suffering now?
3. Did he and I know each other or do anything to each other in any of our past lives?
4. If any of those are true, how do I get rid of these negative energies?
I would be so grateful for any of these questions to be answered.July 2, 2020 at 11:20 am #19982
Please help. The situation is getting worse by the day. In some ways, life-threateningly worse. We are both losing it,yet leaving is not an option. It is so difficult to explain. Our mental states are deteriorating so badly, we are clinging to threads. He refuses to be helped, he would never listen to me. He is too smart and that is working against him. INFJ personality, with the smarts, the ego, the confidence. He needs to meet someone who is truly smarter, wiser than him to get through to him, someone he would truly respect and listen to. Right now there is no such person, not even his parents. They are kids to him, he takes care of them. I am truly desperate. This community is my only lifeline in a way. I have no other avenues to seek help.August 12, 2020 at 2:07 am #20037
Beth1987 Basic Member
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I’m nobody special or anything but I want to kindly wish you the very best of luck. I’m actually in the same situation you are kinda. It’s getting scary weird. Is your partner a virgo by chance? Jw I just want too say I’m always here and a great listener and if anyone understands what you are going through right now, I can say I definitely do. Just remember you are not alone and always try your best to think something positive even out of the negative situations, even if its being grateful for waking up that day. Trust me it really helps. Thanks I’m praying for you.December 6, 2020 at 11:06 am #20141
Thank you so much for replying. I really appreciate.
My partner’s a Libra actually, but very narrowly misses being a Virgo by just one day. Talk about scary weird.
I hope you’re doing alright with your situation. Things have kinda “stabilised” with us in the last few months, though there have been times I have been of somethings resurfacing. Usually when I make the tiniest of mistakes. To me, to anyone else, it could be such a trivial mistake, but he somehow links it to something I did to hurt him. I know he does, even when I just can’t see the link. I know he’s trying his best to fight it, whatever hurt from the past. But I’m so terrified of a “relapse” that might last another few months.
Regardless, I get what you mean about thinking positive. I hopeful that this is a fresh start for us now. There have been many changes over the last few months and it looks like we might finally be buying a place together some time next year.
I’m still really curious about our past lives though. I feel like we’re really tied together in some way. I wish there was someway he and I could both find that out.
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