Am I finally on my way to being happy/loved like I deserve, or is it all a lie?


Main LifeLeap Café Free Psychic Questions Am I finally on my way to being happy/loved like I deserve, or is it all a lie?

This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  janie 1 year, 6 months ago.

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    desireemarberry
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    My name is Desiree.
    Born on August 10th, 1998.
    Born in the city of College Station at 9:32 AM.

    The person this question involves is Austin Bjorgo.
    Born on May 23rd, 1996 in the city of El Paso, time unknown.

    I don’t know if the above information will help anyone, but I figured I’d include it anyways.

    Well,
    Austin and I met in 2014. He just so happened to be in the county jail with my uncle. My uncle was looking at pictures that my family sent him, and Austin noticed a picture of me. Which, he ended up thinking I was really cute or whatever and started talking to my uncle about me. Turns out, we went to the same school the whole time. I mean, I never really went but he said he had remembered seeing me because he had a crush or something. My uncle ended up telling me to add Austin on Facebook, and we started talking immediately when he got out of county.

    Austin was still in school/a foster home at this point. He was well protected and taken care of. He had emotional issues, such as depression, but he was an incredibly good person. I grew really attached to him, really quick, honestly.

    Well, the feelings ended up growing stronger. We were basically best friends. I knew I liked him, though. I was going to tell him one day, but I just ended up finding out that he had just recently entered a new relationship and I had missed my chance. Well, that relationship lasted about…seven to nine months? I’m not sure. I also ended up getting with someone in early 2015.

    Both of our relationships had ended up pretty much going south. He broke up with his girlfriend of the time, but I was still with my boyfriend of the time…as much as I was dying to be free, I was being emotionally/physically abused and felt stuck. Austin was all I had to keep me on my feet.

    So, in about September/October of 2015…I ended up cheating on my then boyfriend with Austin. This became a monthly thing and we got even closer than we already were. I noticed a change in his attitude/demeanor, however. I just brushed it off. To be honest, I wish I had paid more attention to him.

    Well. I finally got out of that abusive relationship in April of 2016. Who was the first person I went to? Austin, of course. I moved in with my grandmother shortly after the break up with my ex…due to the fact I couldn’t afford to live on my own, my ex-room mate tried to sexually assault me, and I had just gotten out of the hospital for a suicide attempt.

    I only lived with her from about May 1st to the middle of May, and then I moved in with my best friend. Things didn’t work out here, however…so around mid July, I moved back to my grandma’s.

    Austin came over to my grandma’s pretty much every chance he got. Starting mid July, all the way up until about September 24th, 2016. He was homeless at this point, living downtown, trying to keep up with his probation. I even let him use my address and stuff so they wouldn’t revoke his probation for being homeless… (Yes, they’ll do that…) He’d wait until I told him that my grandparents were asleep, and he’d walk to my grandma’s from downtown. I knew when he was there because he’d knock on my window. I’d go to the door, let him in, and he spent every night curled up next to me. We did literally everything together. We were happy. Everything was amazing…

    I messed things up at this point…

    Austin was supposed to go to a rave with my friend and I. My friend didn’t like Austin though, and since she was the one driving and the one who owned the car in the first place, I felt obliged to do what she said. She made me ditch Austin, and invited two guys so we could “have some fun.” I wanted to cry so much the next day when I had to ignore all his texts, trying my hardest not to give in and tell him what happened. I hated seeing him upset…

    I ended up getting really messed up on ecstasy that weekend. I came back home on the 25th, and I honestly didn’t want to come down. I knew if I was to come down, all the bad would hit me…so, I went to this guy’s house JUST because he promised me ecstasy. Worst mistake ever…

    I didn’t leave this guys house for about two weeks. I refused to be alone. I knew for a fact that I loved AUSTIN. Not the guy I was forcing myself to be with. Austin ended up randomly calling me one day. He was freaking out because I had promised him that I was gonna be back at my grandma’s at that point. I felt so bad. I invited him over to this guy’s house. Everything was fine, but he seemed upset.

    Later on, when he left…that’s when all the truth came out. He had known I loved him. I told him like every day. I spoiled him to the max. Well, he blew up my phone when he left. He began telling me how I abandoned him, and how he was so in love with me the whole time, etc. I just sat there, phone in hand, staring at this disgusting guy I was stuck with…wishing I could just be with Austin again.

    Time goes by, and my boyfriend at the time started getting pissed off because Austin kept messaging/calling, basically begging me to come be with him. My boyfriend went off on him. So, we all met up to “fight.” I was pissed.

    I get to where we decided to meet, and I’m literally expecting Austin to just start wailing on me. All he did, though…was grab me, kiss me, and tell me he loved me. I went off on him though. “How dare you kiss me in front of my boyfriend?!” I was an idiot…and then I got punched in the face.

    Austin ended up getting into a fight with my BF afterward. BF was all trying to be Mr. Macho Man, ended up almost getting killed. Austin found me later on after he fought him, and we kissed again and I kinda just sat on the ground…mind blown from what had happened. Well, I ended up staying with the BF. It was miserable. I was miserable. All I thought about was Austin.

    Austin had stolen my vape and 3DS when he was living with me. I hated him for it. I was pissed, after all I had done for him…he stole from me.

    The relationship with the then BF lasted up until February 14th. The last time I saw Austin in person was when he swung by my house and picked up some money or whatever. He was supposed to bring stuff back for me. I knew he wouldn’t, but I was just happy enough with seeing him. He kissed me outside my house when I gave him the money, and then left…

    I held a grudge against him, honestly. I ended up getting back with my abusive ex-boyfriend in February. Everything was fine and dandy. He got arrested in April, though…so my mind was left to wander while I dealt with being alone…

    I ended up checking Austin’s record in June. I realized he had gotten arrested again in March. Then it hit me…He had been telling me for SO long that he KNEW he was going to get his probation revoked. For one, he was homeless…and that wasn’t allowed. Two, and this ties in with everything, but he couldn’t pass the drug tests. I just refused to believe it.

    I wanted so bad to schedule a random visit to go see him. I was just so scared. I didn’t know what to do. I ended up just being a coward and watching the status of his case from the internet.

    Well. In June, of 2017, I finally got some courage. He had already been sent to prison, so I had missed my chance to go visit him…however, I found out what prison he was in and stuff…and I wrote him.

    I told him how hurt he made me. I asked him why he stole from me. I asked him why he was so upset over me “abandoning him,” but yet he hadn’t cared about being with me until I “got someone else.”

    A few weeks went by. I didn’t get a letter or anything. This random number popped up on my phone one day. It was a text. The text basically read, “Is this Desiree? Austin told me to text you. He wanted you to know he got your letter. He said you’re always on his mind, 24/7, and he loves you very much. He wants you to set up the phone so he can call you.” Well. The phone process was terrible. I still, to this day, do not have a way for him to call me. Hopefully I will in a few days.

    Anyways. I wrote him small letters every so often. At the beginning of August, I put some money on his commissary. I figured just $10 wouldn’t hurt, and it’d let him buy some envelopes/stamps.

    I ended up getting a letter back on around the 14th of August. I was terrified to open it. I was extremely paranoid that the letter was going to be him just basically cussing me out.

    Luckily, it wasn’t. In the letter, he FINALLY admitted everything he did wrong. He told me how I deserved to be treated so much better. He finally confessed that he was addicted to K2/cocaine really bad from about early 2016, all the way up until he was arrested in March. He told me how he had always been in love with me and all this, and basically asked me to be his. Also, he had apparently sent a letter before that. He sent it to my grandma’s. She didn’t like him, though, since the whole reason I got kicked out of her house in late 2016 was because my grandma found out that I had been sneaking him into her house…

    Well. I broke up with my abusive ex again, around the time I received that text from the lady relaying the message. My ex is still obsessed and refuses to leave me alone. I haven’t spoken to the ex from 2016- Feb of 2017 since the day we broke up.

    The last letter I received from Austin, I got it on about the 22nd of August. It seems to me that he enjoys being sober. I can tell his personality changed back. He’s the happy, caring, lovey-dovey Austin that I met back in 2014 & fell in love with…

    I apologize for the whole long story. I probably missed some stuff, but I’ll answer anything…

    I just wanna know what to do. All my friends say they can tell he makes me very happy & that I deserve to be happy after being abused for so long. My ex, however, says that Austin is never gonna change, and that when he gets out of prison sometime in between December of 2017 and January 2018…he swears that Austin is just going to get back on drugs, and stay with me until something better comes along. Basically, he says he’s just using me for someone to talk to because “he’s just a foster kid, he doesn’t even have family so of course he’s going to pretend to care about you.”

    Austin, however, in his letter…has this entire plan. He’s apparently going to go to this halfway/sober house in my home town when he gets out, which is about an hour away from me. He’d stay there for nine months, and when he is released…he will have $7,000 saved up. He says, with that money…that he’s gonna buy a car, and get an apartment…and he wants me to move in with him. He says he just “can’t wait to have a life with me finally.”

    I don’t know what to do. I want to believe that I finally deserve to be happy. I want to believe that I can finally be with the man I’ve wanted to for so long. I want to believe that I can trust him again…that he’ll stay sober..that he loves me like says so much in the letter. I can’t help but have the constant paranoia however, and my ex just makes it worse and worse every day.

    Austin calls me “baby girl” surprisingly now. He always refused affection & only called me Dez back in 2016. I almost exploded when I saw him call me baby girl for the first time. Even better, it was in his hand writing and his name was signed all fancy drawn at the bottom.

    I wrote him a four page letter and sent it off on the 21st. I don’t know if he’s gotten it, however. Hurricane Harvey hit Texas about two days later, and apparently the prison he’s at flooded and all that extremely bad. I’m honestly worried sick about him and I’m praying as much as I can that my house phone gets verified so that I can finally hear his voice again.

    I wrote him another four page letter last night and sent it over the computer so that he’d get it today. No mail is going in or out of the prison, so hopefully he’ll get that. I also sent him five pictures. I sent him one with my second letter I sent him online and he said he has it hanging on the top of his bunk so that “he falls asleep with me every night, and wakes up to me every morning.”

    Again, I apologize for the long story/all the details, etc. I really just need some advice, some clarity, some hope maybe? Should I trust him? Does he really love me? I mean, my friend’s swear up and DOWN that he “always lit up around me.” I knew he was still happy/comfortable despite his drug addiction, though…mainly because he was so comfortable being completely weird and gross around me. And I saw the love in his eyes too. Especially when I’d turn around, and he’d wake up from my movement, blink his eyes at me & just smile…

    Is it worth it, though? Is my ex not right or is he right about yet another thing? I can’t exactly tell. He has always HATED Austin with a passion because of how close we were/the cheating, etc. I don’t know if I can trust my ex’s words like I usually do with this one. I can’t tell if he’s saying all this negative stuff because it’s true or because he just wants to keep me to himself…

    Please, just give me some help, y’all? Is he worth my time and patience, or is he just going to hurt me in the long run? I know for an absolute FACT that I’m STILL in love with Austin, even to this day. I told him when he just had suspicions that he was going to prison…I swore that I’d wait for him, not mattering how long the wait was.

    I have been having “visions,” I guess you could say. I keep imagining us going through life together. My “visions” are basically just a fancy way of describing that I have been dealing with lucid (audio & visual) hallucinations about life with Austin. They’re all happy though. Considering my hallucinations are normally terrifying for me, this is new…but it makes me happier than ever.

    The last “vision” I had…I was cleaning around a little apartment. There was a little girl making a bit of a mess in the bathroom, just playing. I yelled out, “Austin, your daughter is making a mess! You better get her!” And I just turned to my “daughter,” and said, “You’re my silly monkey, Amara.” I came out of it after that, teary eyed and slightly disappointed that it was just a hallucination.

    I just need some help, y’all.
    I want to be loved the way I deserve.
    I want to love him the way he deserves.
    I want to be happy.
    I want to have a home with him.
    A car, one or two kids, maybe a little pug.
    I wanna be Mrs. Bjorgo.
    I want to give him the family he never had.

    I will understand completely if I receive any negative responses. As much as I’d adore to hear that everything will be okay, the truth is what I need…or at least some advice and hopeful/real/blunt words.

    All in all, though…I’m not going to stop praying and hoping that I DO really get to be with him, and be happy and loved, and give him the same back. Maybe it won’t happen. Maybe I’m just gonna get screwed over like I have with every other guy I’ve been with…

    I can still hope for the best though, right?
    Please help me, somehow…

    #15120

    Sammydoll2300
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    Do what your heart tells you too, but it seems maybe the maturity level of each of you needs to be evaluated. Write down all the positive and negative things that you have in your relationship, then tell him exactly what you are wanting out of it, and communicate between both of your expectations so then no confusion. If he loves you and you him then nobody can come between y’all, no drugs either. Praying for all of y’all

    #15122

    janie
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    There is this man that I have known for years about 20+ and I have gone to him because he is one of my Doctors. I respect him and like him a lot professionally of course. Then I had miner surgery he did the surgery and while I was in the room he kneel beside my bed and told me he love me and he have love me for a few years now, so he decided to tell me know while he had the chance. I was shock and couldn’t believe it. So I didn’t say anything and he expected me to say something but I couldn’t. So later when I saw him again he hinted and did some other things like hold my hand and look into my eyes for a little while longer and a lot of little things like that. So just like that I started to fall in love with him and was very kind and generous to me. So one day I gave him my cell phone number and I told him I wanted to talk to him about us and wanted to know his intentions with me. Well I waited for a call but I did get a call from his boss at the institute he works and she is a woman and ask me if I was infatuated with him the Doctor and I said what what are you talking about. She told me she had proof and the note I gave him of my cell phone. So she told me I cannot see him anymore as a my Doctor and I can other doctors that are there but not to go when he is there so on and on. I ask her did you talk to him and what did he said. All she said was that it was getting harder to him to see me near him and he prefer for me to see someone else. Yes of course after I felt in love with him so now what. I have not been able to talk to him and I never had his phone number just the place where he works but now everybody knows and they put more into it and they won’t let me talk to him. They are sort of protecting him from be and of course he lives and works about 40 min. from where I live. But he does come over 2 times during the week near my town but they also don’t want me there now because it belongs to the same place and same owner or manager woman. They think I was after him and its all my fault. I might love him now but I really didn’t started this I know that he loves me and he is my soul mate so I want to forget him but I can.t please help me and give me some kind of advise. Did he betrayed me by given her the boss the note or he did it because he wanted me so bad and couldn’t be near me? Did he decided it was best for me to see someone else? Or did someone else saw the note and gave it to the Boss like one of the nurses there. For the lasts times I was there I couldn’t be alone with him I notice someone always came in with him so I couldn’t talk to him

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