Looking for guidance

[jlwhitten]

My name is Jeremiah. I am brand new to this site. Amber and I have been together almost 11 months. We have had a few set backs. Even though she broke up with me in November, it is very clear that she still loves me but needs to get through some things inside her heart and mind. I am confident in my unconditional love for her and am patiently waiting for her to get through whatever she needs to get through. We spend a good deal of time together. She says she needs me in her life and is grateful for my friendship. She often wants my affection, but she seems to be in a battle between her heart and mind. I believe we will be together again, but right now she is not really emotionally available. Now that Mercury in retrograde is coming to an end, I am wondering when she will become emotionally available again. I know her emotional availability is dependent on her finding clarity in her heart and mind. How should I navigate this going forward? Is there something I should do to help her? I don’t want her to be comfortable in the friend zone, yet I also want to be there when she wants and needs me. I don’t want her to feel ungodly pressure either. She has had her trust broken by so many in her life. She feels safe with me and I want to build this right. Any insight will be greatly appreciated.

[FionaM]

Hi Jeremiah. As I focus in on Amber, I see that she feels a tremendous amount of pressure. Unfortunately, you being there is not helping. She truly needs you to leave her alone if she is going to clear her head and find out what she wants. If she doenst come back, to you cant control that. Being ever present and monitoring her is not the way to assure she will be your girlfriend again. She doesn’t dislike you but she is not thinking about being your girlfriend again either. Sometimes she feels sorry for you but is uncomfortable as you wear you heart on your sleeve. Here’s the kicker which is probably what is confusing you——–She really wants to be left alone but also selfishly wants to be able to call on you only when she wants. With your current arrangement her respect for you is dwindling down. You are not her bestie, her sister nor are you her therapist. So stop trying to assume any of those roles. If you don’t make a change, you are going to find yourself feeling hurt, used and angry one day when she starts seeing someone else after using you for counseling. Dont allow it.The only way to increase the chances of getting her back, is for you to leave her alone. Trust me, when you refuse to be on call, she will have a lot more respect for you. Right now you are so far into the friend zone, it’s not funny. You must get out immediately or you will remain there for eternity. Ask yourself these two questions: (1) would you be concerned about amber’s welfare if you didn’t have your own personal goal of getting her back? and (2) Why are you so willing to put your own life and emotional well being at risk? Aren’t you supposed to take care of yourself first and see to it that others treat you with respect and not hold you up like that? Many times when we obsess over another person, it is a subconscious way of avoiding facing our own selves and our own issues.

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