Kam, your profile pic reveals a great insight. Research the study of Iridology. Our eyes tells us a lot about the nature and health of our internal being. As well as how your body is assimilating the diet that we choose to consume. You say you used to believe in “Jesus”, Well if your still walking around in a physical body, perhaps then you can say you still do. Sounds like your searching for the right tools, and if its only hope that gets you through right know, then build that one up till you find another.
You quoted, ” Im 18 years old and on state assistance.I was born and raised in a traumatic environment. Ever since I can remember I’ve always felt literally outside of my physical being. Later to find out I have a dissociative disorder. My mind (in order to cope) and spirit split away from myself to deal with the trauma “.
How sad that you’ve had to live through such horrible ordeals, but, Be thankful that you’ve realized that there something better beyond this at such a young age, cause it took me over 50 years to get to where your at. And there is no one size fits all so your keys that unlocks the secrets may be different than mine, but I started with doing something each day that contributed to my physical fitness, diet/nutrition and now on a path to understanding the psychological spiritual aspects.