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Will my husband ever forgive me for all the terrible things I’ve done? Will we ever be truly happy?
Probably not… can you live with that? It’s hard to live with the answers to our questions. When trust is gone it’s often gone for good. Doesn’t mean you won’t always be connected at some level. We’re here to learn and what you’re feeling now is not punishment, it’s just you learning the best way you can in this lifetime. It doesn’t matter what “terrible things” you did. They are done and in the past. What matters now is how this experience helps you as you go forward through life. You may or may not be “truly happy” with your husband in the future but you cannot ask of him more than he may be able to give.
In my own experience living with ourselves is the hardest thing to do. Find ways to forgive yourself for being imperfect. For being human with all your failings. We all have them. We all have different challenges. The things you are learning now will set you up for the rest of your life. It’s perfectly ok. Some of us are learning the hardest lessons this lifetime. When it’s appropriate, drop the guilt and shame. Your life isn’t over and this may be the hardest lesson of all but there are other challenges and you will get through them.
I don’t always quote the Bible but it does say: “He who is forgiven much, loveth much.” You might be learning about love. Take the pressure off yourself and your husband. Do the best you can but drop your expectations. Life is not the fairy tale we were led to believe. Find fulfilling ways to spend your time and start to enjoy life again. 🙂
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