Concerned about a friend

[kitana57]

Hi there,

I am just curious to know is a friend of mine ok? I left a few messages, but I haven’t heard a word from him since. I also wish to know if possible will I hear from him? Any help or guidance will be deeply appreciated.

Sincerest thanks:)

[KathyN]

I sense that he is ok– but has things on his mind and doesn’t want to talk right now. You might do well to not leave any more messages. Just wait to hear from him. It might take awhile, so just try to be patient.

Best wishes,
🙂

[kitana57]

Hi Kathy,

Thank you very much for your help and guidance I really do appreciate it. I am just glad and relieved that he is ok and yes, I will adhere to your advice (although I admit patience is not my strong suit).

[kitana57]

Hi again,
I was just curious about something and what I was wondering is, is he just not wanting to talk in general or is it that he just doesn’t want to talk to me?

Much appreciation and thanks:)

[KathyN]

Did everything seem to be ok with him the last time you talked with him? I am sensing that he is dealing with some issues that he doesn’t want to talk about. Much of this being that he doesn’t want to talk in detail with anyone right now. As a well meaning friend you want to help, but he might feel that you are wanting to become more involved. This is something that he can’t deal with right now. So again, even though it is difficult — the best thing to do right now is to wait.

Best wishes,
🙂

[kitana57]

Hi Kathy,
Thank you so much, I do know what exactly is bothering him partially, but the other part I didn’t know and I am very thankful that you gave me a proverbial heads up:) Wow! because without your help I probably wouldn’t of gotten it from him otherwise. I kind of sensed it a bit, but honestly I wished he would of just communicated that lol. I am currently taking your original advice and just leaving him be.
I deeply and sincerely thank you for taking the time to give me a bit of guidance ,which I would not of had any idea of well until now:)

[kitana57]

Hi again Kathy,
Since it has been quite some time I was just wondering does this person still wish to be my friend? Or will I ever hear from them again?

Thank you in advance for any guidance on the subject that you may have.

[KathyN]

He knows that he acted like a jerk! This is kind of a guy thing — he most likely wishes he hadn’t acted the way he did, but he feels like the door is closed to communication. He would have to work up a lot of courage to call you after all this time. I still advise you against trying to contact him. I sense that he really doesn’t want to be in any kind of relationship right now. So, the only other way to make contact might be if you should “accidentally” run into him somewhere. Do you happen to know his schedule or where he might hang out? You wouldn’t want it to appear obvious that you were trying to find him.

Best wishes,
🙂

[kitana57]

Hi Kathy,
Thank you so much for your quick response, to answer your question to randomly run into him is impossible since we do not live in the same location literally lol, and as for a relationship I wasn’t looking for one either right now, but I was trying to be a good friend because honestly that is all I can offer anyways. Maybe our definition of friends has a crossed wire or two. I am guessing by his silence such friendship has no value or merit because he would of said so if it did. I do hope for the best, but honestly there is nothing more I can do on my end it’s up to him now. Thanks again for always being so kind and helpful I truly do appreciate your insight/guidance.

[KathyN]

It is often said that the best way to have a friend is to be one. You have tried very hard, but it seems that he only wants a friend when he needs one. From that perspective there is a chance that he might contact you in the future. Do you really want that kind of a one-sided friendship? You are a kind an caring person and there are many other people out there who would value your friendship.

Best wishes,
🙂

[kitana57]

Hi Kathy,
Thank you very much you are right. I got a lot of thinking to do lol.

[kitana57]

Hi again Kathy,
I did finally hear from him again and things were going quite well for awhile as far as communication wise anyways, but after a disagreement communication seems to be lost again. I am hoping that maybe with a little time and space things will heal over and that all will be repaired. Thank you for all of your insight and guidance:)

[KathyN]

It seems that he basically becomes uncommunicative when things aren’t going his way? You should not have to be expected to agree with him on all issues. You have the right to your own opinion. He will surface in time, but this pattern might continue to repeat itself.

So you are doing your best to be a good friend to him, but your first responsibility is to yourself and to do what brings you the most happiness.

Best wishes,
🙂

[kitana57]

Thank you Kathy, so very much for always taking the time and effort to assist and guide me. You are 100% correct without fail I feel personally there is underlying stuff that has more to deal with him than I that kind of causes this knee jerk reaction every time. Sometimes I think he is aware of it and other times I don’t think he is consciously aware of it. What I do know despite my overwhelming sense to always want to help and fix things the lesson here is for me to learn to not interfere with ones life path (or let them live their life’s journey interference free) and to step back a bit and let them hash this out for themselves no matter how well my intentions (to each his own truly lol). This concept for me is excruciatingly painful and hard to learn because I like being helpful and the fixer so to speak although now I am learning this can cause more harm than good. He has a specific lesson to learn as do I and the cycle will repeat itself until one or both of us learns what we were supposed to from this situation. Thinking on the positive side of things I think he will figure it out eventually with time (ok a whole lot of time lol) and as for myself I am partially there, but not quite. He is still a good person despite this pattern of behavior so I know he has the ability within him to break this vicious cycle, but only time will tell right. So I must now relinquish my Superwoman title and retire my cape for awhile and go off in pursuit of a stronger and more enlightened me:) Hoping that he still has the knowledge that he still has a friend in me if he wants or needs one, but yes I must start putting myself first and to learn to go with the proverbial flow.

[KathyN]

It is just very sad that every time he resurfaces that you are the one who ends up getting hurt. He will be back in contact, but you do realize that you need to live for yourself. He knows that you will always accept him. However, you need to follow the path of what is right for you in your life. Just know that you are doing and have done all that you can to help him. He must learn to help himself, and learn from whatever mistakes he may make. Hopefully he will learn and he will realize that you were only trying to help him and you were giving him good advice.

Best wishes,
🙂

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