Here’s what i get – you are different from any of your friends. You are more focused on spiritual and personal growth, the meaning of life, and no just following the norm. You might feel like a fish out of water, but that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. Watch out about feeling messed up because you don’t fit in. Forget the contaminated energy. Everybody has this type of thing going on. Yes, work on it, but be careful about dwelling on it.
What about some groups where people are focused on achieving more in life, spiritual focus, personal growth? I see this in you but i don’t see you putting yourself in these places.
Also, i keep getting a pull towards more art, something where you are working with your hands. This seems like it would be good for you. Are you an artist?