I’m sorry to hear this. Most important thing is to take care of yourself. Even if you don’t want to, get out, keep busy, keep moving, keep yourself around other supportive people. Sometimes crap happens. I’m not a 100% confident, but I get a sense he was needed somewhere else. As far as communication, when people pass, they are usually confused for a while. It takes a while for the truth to set in. Even if you could make contact, it would likely be un-resolving at this point. If you’re thinking about suicide, it won’t work at joining you with him – trust me on this one. Again, now is the time to take care of yourself. Not soon, but eventually it will get easier. Throw yourself into spiritual and personal growth. Be careful about scams. Read spiritual and personal growth books. Seth is good start. Get around people who have a greater understanding of these things – spiritual churches, groups, etc. The Life Mastery Program on this site would also be a great step for you, maybe a bit down the road. You can’t live like an average person anymore without continuing to suffer. You will have to redesign who you are and how you interact with life. Take it one small step at a time.