help with an Ex ?


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  • #6466

    anonymous
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    Hi,

    My ex boyfriend (Timothy 4/12/1988) broke up with me (Samantha 18/11/1988) about 2 months ago. We are currently still living together and have a 2 year old daughter and a son who is 1 month old.
    I have been trying to give him space and not be ‘clingy’ but the situation is eating me up inside I miss him very much , care about him more then words can say and know that I screwed things up big time in the past.
    He tells me that he forgives me although I am not sure that is true and just does not feel the same.
    I want to discuss the posibility of rebuilding a relationship over time but I do not want to push him further away and honestly , I do not even know what to say.

    Can anyone help me out ?

    Thanks

    #7639

    KathyN
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    Samantha,
    Since you have told him about your desire to work things out and you are still living together, it does appear that there is hope for a reconciliation. Has he indicated that he plans to make other living arrangements? You have these two small children who will need both of their parents.

    You have asked for forgiveness and you are giving him space to make a decision. Perhaps couples counseling might be a step toward a reconciliation? You are letting him know that you want to do all that you can to reach a total reconciliation.

    The best of luck to you!
    🙂

    #7640

    anonymous
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    @Kathy N wrote:

    Samantha,
    Since you have told him about your desire to work things out and you are still living together, it does appear that there is hope for a reconciliation. Has he indicated that he plans to make other living arrangements? You have these two small children who will need both of their parents.

    You have asked for forgiveness and you are giving him space to make a decision. Perhaps couples counseling might be a step toward a reconciliation? You are letting him know that you want to do all that you can to reach a total reconciliation.

    The best of luck to you!
    🙂

    Thank you Kathy 🙂
    I did speak to him and he wants me and our children to go away for awhile..it breaks my heart for all of us, I just feel so sad and sick to my stomach.
    We were going to go to couples counceling but he decided it would not help as he just does not want to be with me.. I really hope the break away from each other helps

    #7641

    KathyN
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    Samantha,

    Are you prepared to take the children and go away for awhile? This could present a financial problem for you. He doesn’t seem to be willing to be the one who goes away for awhile?

    If time apart is what he is asking for, then you are trying to give this to him. Somehow I get the sense that he is punishing you for something which is far more than what you deserve? There is a possibility that there is someone else in the picture– this is a relationship possibility that might not work out for him.

    So for now, just try to give him the space that he is asking for, but continue to remind him that you do want to work things out.

    Best wishes,
    🙂

    #7642

    anonymous
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    @Kathy N wrote:

    Samantha,

    Are you prepared to take the children and go away for awhile? This could present a financial problem for you. He doesn’t seem to be willing to be the one who goes away for awhile?

    If time apart is what he is asking for, then you are trying to give this to him. Somehow I get the sense that he is punishing you for something which is far more than what you deserve? There is a possibility that there is someone else in the picture– this is a relationship possibility that might not work out for him.

    So for now, just try to give him the space that he is asking for, but continue to remind him that you do want to work things out.

    Best wishes,
    🙂

    I really do not want to go away yet at the same time I can’t imagine staying in this house alone.
    I keep thinking that there is someone else especially when he gets furious with me for wanting to keep our family together , then he says that I am just frustrating him.. I really have no idea why else or how he can be so harsh after almost 6 years and 2 children.
    Can you give me anything else regarding someone else being in the picture?

    I really want things to work out and I can’t even imagine any other reason why he doesn’t 🙁

    #7643

    KathyN
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    Sadly, it seems that there is someone else who he is interested in. Right now he has no desire to try to work things out. Things might not work out with this person who he is interested in though. In the meantime, don’t feel that you have to go away and take your children if you don’t have someplace to go. If he isn’t discussing financial support, that is something that you need to get worked out before either of you make a move.

    If either of you plan to move out of the house, please consult an attorney as soon as possible. You need to be assured that you will receive financial support for your children. To continue living together while he is being so mean is not good for you or your children. You may need a “trial separation”.

    I know you have hope that things will work out, but it is important to have a plan of action in case the situation is no longer bearable.

    Best wishes,
    🙂

    #7644

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    Thanks again Kathy 🙂

    My children and I are currently living with my father now..

    Can you tell me if Timothy has any feelings for me at all? I fail to believe it is really over between us 🙁

    #7645

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    He might be thinking that he can pursue a relationship with someone who he is interested in. However, I strongly sense that his plans for a new relationship might not work out. It may take some time for him to realize how much he misses what he had with you and the children.

    Right now he doesn’t really know what he wants. In the meantime, you might do well to make some long range plans for yourself and your children. It may be some months before he starts thinking about what he gave up.

    Best wishes,
    🙂

    #7646

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    Thanks again Kathy 🙂 Things are going really well for myself and kids , I’m suprised how good I do actually feel. Have started getting our lives together and it definetly helps to have loving supportive family around!
    I have not heard from the ex at all , he hasn’t made contact to ask even about the kids – ergh!

    #7647

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    Samantha,

    It is good to know that you are feeling better about things. However, your ex shouldn’t get off free without having to provide some financial support for the kids. This is something that you will need to pursue at some point.

    As you work to rebuild your life you will realize that you might be better off if he doesn’t come back– You will be stronger and you won’t want the problems that you had in the past with him to resurface. People really don’t change all that much.

    Best wishes to you,
    🙂

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