August 5, 2009 at 8:40 pm #6346
I met Greg in 2003 over the internet, our relationship grew quickly and I went over to America 3 times to visit. In 2005 I was planning to move out there to be with him. Long story short, I found out he had other women online…I accused him, he didn’t deny it but he backed off from me. And when he did back off I was heart broken….long story short, it is 4 years later, I have not move on, I have not had one date with a man since, my choice, not interested…when will I get over Greg, why am I finding it so hard to move on and lastly is Greg happy.
him 1.03.68August 5, 2009 at 11:49 pm #7067
- Topics: 15
- Replies: 53
- Rising Participant
Hi there Welsh,
Although I am not one of the lucky gifted, I still hope this reply will help you out if even a little bit. First off in a small way you did suffer a loss so in that way you do go through all the stages of grief (such as denial, anger,bargaining,depression and acceptance, but not always in that order). The root to your troubles pretty much lies within your inability to get yourself balanced(mind, spirit, and body/heart). You see when those elements are not in sync we tend to hold on to things alot longer than we should. As I myself have been told more than once in this lifetime all relationships no matter if they were negative or positive are a life lesson. The reason you cannot move on is because it sounds as if you did not have proper closure to this relationship (in other words the break yielded more questions than answers). Another reason might be that sometimes when our hearts get broken we tend to build that heart guardtower (an emotional wall/defensive mechanism) so this definitely does not happen to us again(but it does quite the opposite, yeah see love cannot get out nor can it get in this way). You feel probably betrayed by this so that heart shield now includes trust issues. So if you truly wish to move on and by the sound of things I think you are indeed ready to then give some of these ideas a try. First, although you are showing concern for his happiness right now your main focus needs to be more geared towards your own healing process/happiness (and please whatever you do, do not do the old out of sight out of mind trick, or getting rid of letters/emails, or even photographs (this rarely works and has been known to make things worse, in time once you have healed then you can successfully be more decisive on such actions) what you do instead is go ahead and grieve it doesn’t matter how long its been (have yourself that one good cry if needed, look to friends and family for emotional support, and even come here if need be (the people here have been ever so kind) this way you can finally release all that stored up inner toxic mess that is weighing you down at all points. Second just like any physical wound give yourself time to heal (you would not run out and reopen a physical wound unnecessarily the same applies to emotional/mental wounds, basically don’t keep picking at it let things naturally heal). Third get busy with the art of living, the more and more that you allow yourself to replay the break in your mind the more miserable you will make yourself (so the main point here is to start to find things that you like to do that will relieve some of the stress (if you channel that pent up energy elsewhere you will start to find the joy of life again). Fourth give back to others (that could be anything from volunteering to just writing some words of encouragement to someonelse). Last, but not least do not get yourself back into a relationship until you have properly healed (you have got to learn to love yourself first before you can effectively give it back to others). Remember although things have come to a break, one positive I can at least give you in order to bring you some peace and comfort is that at least he gave you the truth (not many people under similar circumstances have opted to do so). Just as the old saying goes it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all I think that sediment is fitting. So in the meantime have fun and enjoy your life because as they also say love comes to us when we least expect it to (in other words don’t go looking for love, let it find you).
Best wishes and Good luck to you,
Lisa (aka kitana57)August 6, 2009 at 4:00 pm #7068
You are right about many things, the no closure and lack of explaination made it worst. And since he lives in the US and me the UK, I can hardly go and bang on his door demanding answers. I did the ripping up of photo’s and stuff and no it didn’t help. It just seems such a long time to be stuck on someone and I know he is the reason why I have not had another relationship. I guess I just need a little more time.
Thanks for taking time to reply
WelshAugust 19, 2009 at 2:36 am #7069
- Topics: 123
- Replies: 123
- Super Participant
I’m sorry I can’t be of more help to you but to say I know how you feel. I have been in love with a woman for 12 years off-and-on, who has never even felt the same way about me. Sometimes it gets to where everything reminds me of her. It can be miserable. Hopefully your case isn’t as painful as mine. One thing I can tell you is that he doesn’t sound like he’s worth denying yourself happiness with someone new. Even I have fallen in love again since this woman, but they also did not share the same feelings for me. Maybe also you’re afraid of falling in love and the next guy also being a player on the side. There are many men who know a good thing when they have it, and cherish it. Many more than you might believe.August 20, 2009 at 10:59 pm #7070
Thanks for your reply. 12 years sure puts my 4 in the shade, I am hoping it doesn’t drag on for that long. You are right when you say I am worried about it happening again, and maybe that is the reason I have not entered into another relationship. But I think the biggest reason for not beable to move on is the lack of closure. One minute I was preparing to move out there start a new life with him, the next he just dropped me me as if I was some, one-night-stand, No explainations, no apologises. I deserved more than that and I find it very hard to let go of.
Anyway thanks again for replying and I hope you find someone soon who will love you too.
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