My guides are telling me killing your self is never the answer. They are showing me that one min. you are fine and then all of a seen sadness hits you. it is not because you are doing anything wrong in your life, they see that you do try, but something just holds you back. they are even me a something that is chemical to do with how you are processing things, and it is a easy fix with the medication from a doctor. As of right now i do not see you soulmate coming in. i do see a nice guy coming into your life in three months. i see you being very happy. please in this time take time to heal yourself so you can get all of you earned blessings.