When it comes to your romantic partner, have you noticed an emotional distance between the two of you? Are there arguments that keep occurring which never seem to be resolved? Maybe your romantic life is somewhat stable, but you keep encountering conflicts which seem to be worsening.
Whatever the challenge may be in your relationship:
I encourage you to take action now to save your relationship.
So often when working with clients who are going through a breakup, I hear stories like, "we just grew apart over a period of time," or "we just seem to have less and less in common," or "we just couldn’t seem to make it through the arguments."
The sad fact is most of the situations I see with clients, something could have been done to improve and heal the situation.
Some relationships are unhealthy and probably need to end. For example, if someone is so selfish that they will never do their part to make the relationship work, this person probably needs to be single for a while and learn the true value what’s important in life. But more often than not, a relationship is reparable and has a great chance of being something wonderful.
It’s just simply that all the wrong things are done to bring this into fruition.
Rising Above The Protection Zone
Have you even been in a discussion with all the best intentions to work things out, and then something is said which turns you from the "problem solver" into the "armed fortress?" Or, maybe things were going well and then your romantic partner does something, like showing up late or not calling, engaging in an old annoying habit, and then once again, the "soldier" part of you takes over.
We all have this warrior side to us. Numerous studies have shown that most people, when faced with a serious challenge, snap into a protective emotional state. It’s a natural human survival instinct. There is so much evidence to back up this human behavior, including detailed studies from the University of Washington
While in some situations in life this may be appropriate, it can be a limitation when trying to heal a relationship. When in a protective state, we tend to see others as "the enemy." Our reasoning and ability to come up with creative solutions shuts down. It just becomes about defending and fighting. This isn’t a good place to be if you are trying to repair your relationship, or even face a particular issue between you and your partner
The first step to save your relationship is to prevent yourself from snapping into a protective state when relationship challenges occur. It may not seem fair and it may be difficult, but this is necessary if you want to have a chance of saving a relationship that is on the road to ruin.
In the heat of the moment, drill it into your mind with repetition that your partner is not wrong, but simply coming from a different perspective. This can have powerful effects. Also, take steps to break the pattern of snapping into the warrior mode.
For example, next time you feel it creeping up, excuse yourself and go to the restroom. Take a breather and remind yourself that it’s more important to repair the situation than to defend yourself. Come up with a similar list of "pattern interrupts" that you can use at a time of crisis.
Pattern interrupts are methods that will help prevent you from snapping into the protective state.
Now this doesn’t mean that you have to be doormat and let your partner run over you. It doesn’t mean that you have to passively let others take advantage of you. It’s about keeping yourself in a productive state when dealing with a relationship challenge. As soon as you allow yourself to go into to the "defend and fight" mode, you are going in the opposite direction of saving your relationship.
Save Your Relationship By Focusing On The Solutions
The Second Step – Once you develop the pattern of staying out of the warrior state, you can focus on potential solutions to save your relationship. This involves creativity and being resourceful. Here are some ideas to consider:
- Stay away from the heavy issues for a while and focus on reestablishing the bond between the two of you. Focus on what you have in common, get out and have some fun, find a hobby that you can both enjoy, etc. Once there is a stronger connection, once the chemistry is back into the picture, then you can address any issues that need to be faced. But even then, try to keep it lighthearted and balance the "discussions" with "enjoying life."
- Let your partner know how you feel when they do certain things or don’t do certain things. Do this without blaming them or demanding them to change. You’d be surprised at how sharing the truth in this way can clear up a lot of ridiculous misunderstandings – misunderstandings that, if allowed to continue, can destroy the intimacy between two people.
- If your partner has an insecurity or concern involving you, take steps to consistently assure him or her. This is helpful especially when there are issues concerning trust. Assuring someone, deep from within your heart, can be a real healer. You may also ask your partner to communicate with you in this way. This is what it’s all about anyway – communicating.
As I’m writing this, I can’t tell you exactly what solution you need to take to save your relationship. There is no "one size fits all" approach to this type of thing. You have to use your own creativity along with your understanding of the relationship.
Don’t be shy about taking advantage of the resources available to you. Many of the clients I work with in my Intuitive Counseling service are facing a potential relationship breakup. I’m able to use intuitive/psychic ability to focus into the situation and see exactly what needs to be done, for the specific circumstances, to give the relationship the best chance of improving.
There are also some good books about these types of things. Whatever you do, consider not trying to do everything all by yourself. Has this worked for you so far? Think about everything you have invested in the relationship so far. Is it worth letting it slip away? Perhaps it make sense to invest, even a little, in trying to save what you have worked so hard to have. My point is, don’t just settle for things being the way they are.
Get yourself in the right state of mind, get creative, and take action before it’s too late.