Will we reconcille?

[bayelvington]

Hi my name is Barbara 01/20/67 and I am writing in regards to my relationship with David 03/03/69. We have dated on and off for 3 years and this past Oct. 09, something occurred out of the blue and he left. We did not speak until Mid March 10, we spoke on the phone daily and talked about working things out and that things could change and us work through them. He came back to NC and took me to lunch, dinner and the beach for the weekend, dinner at my parents, then went cold and would not speak to me. I called from someone else's phone and he only would say it was over and I needed to move on and start dating other people. He said I had not changed and that I was mean. We never even had a cross word while he was here so I am very confused about why... Can we work through this? I still love him and feel connected to him. I have known ahead of time when I would run into him and each time an hour or two before I would get tingly feeling and my heart would pound. One Sunday I knew if I went to a specific place I would see him and as soon as I pulled up he pulled up. There is a strong connection, we used to call it our VooDoo dolls, if he hurt something I hurt in the same exact spot. When I contacted him in March, I felt he had been hurt, he had a few days earilier a metal pipe hit him on the head. The day that happened, I told a lady I worked with I felt like I had been hit in the head with a steel pipe and needed asprin. Please help.

[Kathy N]

Barbara,
Since this relationship has a history of being on and off, do you really want to continue with this pattern? It appears that he is playing mind games with you. He is attempting to make you feel the blame for something that he might not feel that he can continue with. You had a pleasant weekend together, but perhaps having dinner with your parents caused him to feel that this was intended to solidify that you were back together?

I sense that he might be fearful of a long term commitment. You have a special connection with him, but that connection is causing you much unhappiness. If you were to reconcile, unfortunately the same pattern is likely to surface again. This realationship might have about a 40% chance of working. If you were to meet others guys and start dating, the connection that you have to him should start to lessen. You must think of yourself and your future well being.

Take care!

[bayelvington]

Thank you Kathy, I know exactly what you are saying, the problem I have is it takes me a long time to find someone I feel connected to and want to be with. I was married for 14 years and after that ended it took me 5 years to even consider a true relationship again. Why does loving someone have to be so hard, we are not perfect but if you love someone you love them unconditinally with all of your heart and soul. My marriage ended due to his inabilty to be faithful, based on the 10 commandments I could walk away and start again, but even then I suffered for my sense of correctness with leaving. I wish there was an easy way to heal a broken heart and forgive and move on without expectation of being hurt again, that is half of what happened with David and I, I brought my past into my future. Thank you for answering, I will pick myself up, dust me off and keep on loving, living as best as I can.

[Kathy N]

Not every experience will be a bad one-- You are wise to follow your intuition. Perhaps you found it difficult to trust him because deep down inside you knew that he could not be trusted? When someone new comes along you might have an entirely different feeling about this.

A successful relationship requires work on both sides. You should not feel that you have to be the one to continually forgive. There is someone out there who will treat you with the respect that you deserve--

Take care!