Why can't I stop obsessing over Jennifer?

[psmith4630]

She was never even my girlfriend. I met her about 13 years ago in a gentleman's club where she was dancing. She was never interested in me romantically and never led me on that she was. I've felt this way about lots of females in my life (I'm 36) and I've even felt this way about females SINCE her. But none of them mean anything to me anymore, I never start obsessing over any of them today, only her. Why can't I get over her? I have such a deep need to feel loved by a woman that I have the same kinds of feelings for. And I've never experienced that. But what is it about her?? I found out friday that she moved with her live-in boyfriend to Wisconsin (I'm in IL) and it just tore my heart out. Why can't I get over her once and for all? And why do I need so badly to be loved by a woman that I can't just enjoy being around women and relax and not get all insecure about how they feel for me? Am I broken somehow? What's wrong with me? Please tell me why I obsess over her specifically so much??

[Kathy N]

I am a student of the Life Mastery Program and fairly new at giving advice, but what I sense is happening is that you are feeling the loss of what might have been. You have just learned that she moved out of state and is involved with someone. You have been attracted to her for a long time, yet you did not follow through with asking her for a date. Perhaps she was not available when you first met her?

It is only natural to care about what others think about you, and how you can relate to them. You seem to be a sensitive and caring person. There are women out there who would very much appreciate these qualities in a man. You might meet someone new at a place when you least likely expect to, and when you are not actively looking. Just relax and let the friendship begin.

As for Jennifer, I think you already know that it would not be a good idea to try to find her. Time is a great healer. Please don't be so hard on yourself!

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing--

[psmith4630]

But what is it about her specifically? I've seen her twice in the last 10 years or so. And those times when I have seen her, it was like "this is her? This is the woman I've been obsessed over so badly?" But she's always been very sad, in a lot of emotional pain. She's changed. She's become very angry and bitter. But I still love her. Or do I love her? What am I feeling and why after all these years do I only feel it for her?? A woman I've seen twice in the last 10 years! I want to know everything about her, her opinions on anything you could imagine, everything she's ever done, everyplace she's ever been. I can't know enough about her. But there have been times when she was just another of a long line of females that I've felt this way about, I never gave her a second thought. But when I am obsessing over her like right now, I want to protect her, I want to take care of her, I want to take all of her pain away, but I can't because I'm not good enough. That's how it feels. I'm not man enough. I'm too needy, too desperate, too unsure of myself, too timid, too passive. Please can someone who can get into some meditative state like Dale did when I had a reading from him, and tell me what is it about her?? When will I stop feeling so sad that she never loved me? What is it about her that haunts me so? Please someone tell me??

Oh and I have told her how I felt about her, many times. She tried to tell me we needed to get to know each other outside of the gentlemen's club because we wouldn't get to know each other in the club. But I wanted her to be my girlfriend right then and there. I'm 36 and never had a girlfriend. But I knew how I felt about her. I knew I wanted to know everything about her, and that there wasn't a thing in the world I could find out about her that would make me feel any less for her. We finally went out once as friends, after I gave up hope that she would ever like me romantically. Why do I never obsess over any of the other females I've been infatuated with or whatever you want to call it? Why only her? What is this hold she has over me? Please someone tell me!

[Kathy N]

Sadly, it seems that she was never emotionally available during the time that you have known her. Life experiences and responsibilities if negative or emotionally draining can cause people to become angry and bitter. This had nothing to do with you. You tried to be her friend. I sense that a relationship could not develop beyond friendship due to her being involved with someone at that time.

You are feeling this loss more intently right now because you recently learned that she has moved out-of-state. In time your pain will lessen. I strongly encourage you to arrange to have another reading with Dale. Also, try a new routine such as volunteer work in an area that interests you. Just getting to know people who share a common interest with you is a great way to make new friends.

Hope this helps a bit--

[Candice Kennedy]

If you want someone to go into a meditative state like Dale. Why don't you contact Dale and make an appointment with him?

[spiritualvortex]

psmith4630 - psychic insights are good when you need to make a decision, when you are at a fork in the road. You issues seems to involve around your own emotional and psychological issues, not what needs to be done. I doubt if anyone here can "psychically" see what you need to do. I sense your obsessiveness, broken heart, and insecurity have little if anything to do with Jennifer. These are personal issues that would be there regardless of whether or not you ever met her.

I think the real question is "what are you going to do about healing yourself?" How much longer are you willing to settle for living this way. 13 years is way too long already, it's actually pathetic. That's a good chunk of your life. I would suggest the Life Mastery Program taught by the LifeLeap or some other equivalent training, something where you learn how to fix these things from the inside out. You may also find therapy helpful.

You're not a victim in this situation, this is something that you are doing to yourself. You can either continue to struggle through life wondering why things are so bad, or you can do what some of have done and take advantage of the resources available to you. You can get off your ass and do something about it. Good luck to you on your journey of self discovery.