I would appreciate any help. I am feeling emotionally, physically, psychically/spiritually stuck. I'm taking 20 units at my local community college and don't have a clue as to what I want to do. I am not working at the moment.
I feel that all of the unsolicited advice and opinions and criticism that I've been receiving are really weighing me down. I have been trying to conceive for the past 2 years, and then before that for the previous 7 (I lost my two pregnancies one at 1 month gestation and one at 5 months gestation). I'm feeling so overwhelmed and I'm afraid I'm going to lose my mind. I'm still coping with the life-changing losses and pregnant women seem to be drawn to me for some reason, so no matter where I go, I am forced to face blissfully ignorant mothers-to-be, while grieving and mourning my children is the only thing my heart can do. This has been going on for the past 2 years and I'm really, finally, truly at a loss now, i want so desperately to just give up.
My mother is telling me to get a job and seek fertility treatments in mexico, does that sound ludicrous to anyone else? I'm feeling so much pressure and grief and confusion right now that I cannot tell which side is up and which side is down. I want to crawl into a cave in the mountains of south america somewhere and never come out. This pressure has manifested itself as constant heaviness in my chest and a constant tightness in my uterus.
Can anyone see if there is hope for me? Where do I begin? What can I do? I'm so confused and just plain sad. I'm afraid that I don't have much more fight in me. If anyone can tell me what they see in my future or give me some sort of guidance, I could really use it right now. Thanks.
