Relationship question

[christopherj]

Hi Kathy,
I sent Krista an e-mail and asked her if she would want to hang out, I don't know if she has read it yet but I'm hoping that I will finally get the chance to hang out with her and maybe start to develop a relationship with her and it would be great to go to the dance with her. I have been feeling this semester has been going well so far, better then my other semesters. I've also decided that I will not let myself get stressed out about school anymore and will be more optimistic, positive, and have more fun with life. Also, it seems that things have been starting off well so I'm hoping that everything will work out in terms of school and if I manage to even form a relationship with someone, like Krista that would be great. I get a feeling that she likes but I am not sure yet if she is attracted to me so i hope I will get the chance to talk to her about it and maybe start going out with her. So, any insight you might have into this would be appreciated, thank you.
-Christopher

[Kathy N]

Christopher,

Did Krista give you her e-mail address, and are you sure it is current? Some people don't read their messages on a daily basis. When she does get the message, because she is reserved and a bit shy, she might not respond immediately. If you don't receive a reply, you will most likely see her at the beginning of the week. You could then ask her if she received your e-mail.

Maybe it would make it a bit easier if you could ask her if she would like to go for coffee (or a cold beverage) whichever would best suit the circumstances. When the two of you would have some time to talk in a quiet atmosphere (I am thinking coffee shop) then you will have a better feeling for how to approach the situation of asking her to the dance.

It isn't always instant attraction between some people, but when she sees that you are genuine and caring and senses that you are attracted to her, she can't help but like you! Attraction and admiration grow thru communication.

So glad that this school year has started out well for you--please keep in touch!

[christopherj]

Hi,
I wanted to let you know that I sent Krista an e-mail about hanging out sometime but have never heard back from her so I'm not sure what might be going there, I have tried to find time to talk to her but I don't see her around that much so there has not been time. I have though sent an e-mail to my friend Kristen (4/11/1989) who I have been really interested in for some time now and sent her an e-mail asking if you would like to hang out so I'm hoping that something good will come from this. If you have any insight into this I would really appreciate it, thank you.

[Kathy N]

Christopher,

Sometimes if a girl is particularly shy she might not know how to react to an e-mail suggesting that you might like to hang out. Also, you don't know how often she reads her e-mail, or even if she has another e-mail address that she uses more frequently. Some people are cautious and will not even open an e-mail unless they recognize the name of the sender. It might be better to wait to try to catch up with her in person. When you are talking with her you will have a better sense for her reaction.

Whether it is with Krista or Kristen, I honestly can't know who it might be because we have to remember that our future is not set in stone. You have various options in life and it is up to you to choose the paths to take. If the opportunity presents itself to have a quiet conversation with one of these girls, then you can ask if she would like to go for coffee. If she accepts that invitation there is a good chance that she might accept an invitation to lunch or dinner. This might not be easy with your school schedule, but I am sure that you would know how to make it work.

I sense that waiting for responses to e-mails might be causing you some anxiety. This can't be good for you because right now you need to focus on school during the day. I would suggest holding off on the e-mails, unless you should receive a response from Krista or Kristen. Otherwise, try to catch up with them in person. This should not take long. The school year is just getting underway, and it is bound to be a good one for you!

Take care!

[christopherj]

Hi Kathy,
Thank you so much for you help. Lately I feel that school has been going alright so far but I've been feeling worried, stressed even though the semester hasn't been going on for very long I have been starting to get that feeling of worry, wondering if I will make it through. I guess I've been thinking allot about life and my family and wondering if I've been doing the right things, being the right kind of person. Today I regretted going out spending money on a card game when i could have saved my money for other more important things and I worry what my mom might think about me not being responsible enough with my money and be disappointed in me for maybe not acting the way I should act. I don't know why i get like this but I guess this goes with me having stress problems, especially when it comes to school and just wanting to do well and make my family proud of me. I think about my mom and my sister and I've always looked to them as my biggest inspirations and I've always wanted to strive to be as good as can be for them and for myself. I don't like being like this, putting myself down but I just don't want to be somebody who will look at his life and feel like I haven't accomplished anything or done anything with my life. I would really appreciate any insight you might have into this, thank you.
-Christopher
(11/18/1985)

[Kathy N]

Hey Christopher,

Please don't worry--you said that school is going all right. You are studying in an area in which you have an interest. When I focus on you, I sense the rewards of your hard work will shine through. You might not experience this totally for a couple of years, possibly after you graduate. In the meantime, there is no reason why you shouldn't just enjoy being a student and learning more about your chosen profession.

I also feel that your mother would not want you to feel guilty for making a small purchase such as a card game. You are in need of some recreation. I sense your desire to become more independent. Sometimes it is difficult to handle a part-time job along with school, but if you feel that you could you might want to look into that. Also if summer jobs are available you could think about that for next summer. It would give you an opportunity to get a little bit of money saved.

You are a sincere, kind-hearted person who cares about his family. They can't help but be proud of you for who you are!

Take care and keep in touch!

[christopherj]

Thank you so much for your continued insight. I wanted to ask you though about my friend Connor (5/1/1989). I've been noticing that we always seem to be budding heads about many different things that sometimes I get really frustrated with him and I wonder if we are really meant to be longtime friends. There are times when we get along, joke and just hang out and have fun but other times we will get into huge arguments about big stuff, small stuff to the point where I just would not want to talk to him or be around him at all. He is someone that out of all my other friends I have the most trouble and frustration with. I would appreciate your insight into because I would love for us to get along more and just become even better friends cause I just don't know if I could keep going through this type of rough friendship.

[Kathy N]

Hey Christopher,

When I focus on you with Connor, I see you as the "big brother" in this friendship. You are focusing on the future and want to make wise decisions. Connor might be going thru a phase that even he does not understand. It is only natural that you want to help your friend. I feel that you will continue to be friends, but you might not be spending quite as much time together as you have in the past. Friends sometimes drift apart when the things that once drew them together change, like jobs, school, social organizations, etc.

When Connor gets into one of his moods, you might try asking him if everything is ok--does he want to talk, is there anything you can to to help him-- If this doesn't help, you might just want to put some distance between the two of you. There might not be a whole lot that you can do, this is just his issue and he needs to take responsibility for his life and his actions.

You care very much about all of your friends--they are very fortunate to have you for a friend!

Take care--

[christopherj]

Hi Kathy,
Thank you again for all your help. One new thing though that has come up is that there is this girl named Kat and she works at office depot near my apartment. I've been going there quite a few times now and have had a little time to talk to her but not much. I just wonder though if there could be something in terms of starting a relationship with her, maybe ask her to hang out sometime, grab coffee or lunch sometime, get to know her. I think she could be interested and I get a feeling that she might like me I'm just not sure. Any insight you might have into would be appreciated, thanks allot.
-Chris

[Kathy N]

Hey Christopher,

Go for it! Invite Kat to coffee. When I focus on you I feel that something good for you is going to begin when you are sitting and talking with a young lady in a coffee hangout. Is there such a place close to where Kat works? The next time you are in the store and get a chance to speak with Kat, if she acts as if she would like to continue a conversation, you could ask if she would like to go for coffee during her break--

I do believe that your intuitions are correct--we can generally tell if others do like us! You are surrounded by a lot of nice young ladies. Since the future is not set in stone, I really don't know who it will be--but I do feel that you will be entering into a relationship sometime during this school year. I really sense that this will be underway during the holiday season.

Please take care and let us know how you are doing--