"Lost" a soulmate

[pbutterstrings]

Last year I had to go through a most terrible break-up with whom I felt deeply attached to, named Carlo. I am not sure if he is my soulmate (or one of), of if there are such things as soulmates, but if there are, he came very close to what I'd call a soulmate. We had planned to get married, but my parents did not approve of our relationship. They put a great deal of strain on our relationship and (despite the fact that I am an adult) eventually forced us apart. I had never felt more powerless in my life.

I realize now that a permanent relationship with him might not have been the best - but I am having trouble making sense of that part my life. Why did "fate" bring us together only to yank us apart so violently? Was it all just a grand waste of time? How do I make meaning out of that? I am also having difficulty opening my heart towards my parents and fear that I may never be able to do so again, unless they take the step to apologize (I realize that sounds arrogant).

[Kathy N]

It is possible to have more than just one soulmate during your lifetime. There are things that we must endure and sometimes we aren't able to find the reason for quite some time. Although you now realize that perhaps you and Carlo wouldn't have worked out in the long run, you are asking yourself why did you come together at all? You may never really know the answer to that, but I sense that you have learned that you must stand up for what you believe in and what you want.

As an adult, you might need to tell you parents that you are going to be in charge of making your own decisions. If they don't approve of who you are dating then you probably wouldn't be bringing your date to family get togethers, etc. They will learn that in order to maintain a good relationship with you they must be less judgmental. As far as an apology, wouldn't actions speak louder than words? So if they make an effort to turn things around, you are likely to be accepting of the gesture. When children grow to be adults, parents should no longer treat them children. This is the time for a different type of relationship.

Take care!

[pbutterstrings]

Thank you Kathy N. You are right that nowadays, I more inclined to think for myself and to stand up for what I want. I used to be so dependent upon their advice that I used to immediately take their advice without considering deeply my thoughts on the issue. The difficulty in my relationship with Carlo was that I was staying with my parents at that time, and my parents controlled when i could be with Carlo.

The difficulty in patching up things with my parents is that although they are showing that they care for me (supporting my violin dreams, and telling me they miss me), I think that the next time I'll be in a relationship again, I am not so certain whether they will respect my boundaries. I am not so certain that they've learned from this lesson, and I don't know if they are aware at how deeply, deeply wounded I was by last year's events.

How do I know if Carlo was one of those soulmates? A part of me wishes we could get back together again in the future, but a part of me wants to find the next soulmate. I find it hard to transition into a platonic friendship with him, as talking with him reminds me of the pain of last year, and the immense joy we had together.

[Kathy N]

Right now you are feeling that you would like to be in a relationship. The best thing to do is just take things slow. When you connect with the right person you will sense this. Hopefully you can be friendly with Carlo if you should see him.

If you are no longer under the supervision of your parents it really wouldn't be necessary to tell them when you are dating someone. You should feel free to make your own decisions. If you feel that this is going to be a source for criticism, the less said about this will make it easier for you.

Take care!