How to go about this?

[LSFerreira]

Yesterday I received a call from my cousin telling me about a little boy who's mom and family are in no condition to care for him. She wanted to know if I would be interested in essentially adopting the child. He is three years old and has had a very rough start in life. From what I am told, he seems as though he wants someone to love and care for him. The adoption process is difficult and expensive, I really do, however want to see if I can help him. My husband and I don't have much but what we do have we would like to offer a child. Can anyone see what the outcome may be? Should we go ahead and get started on this? Is there a chance the mom would want him back later on down the road? We would hate for this little boy to go to foster care. I have heard many stories (including those of a psychologist who works with kids) about the terrible stuff that these poor kids endure when in foster care. The psychologist also says that if children don't bond with someone by the age of 3, that they can be screwed up for life. My heart would break if he was faced with this type of fate, knowing that I could have possibly helped him. Time is of the essence, he is already 3. If anyone could offer some insight, we would greatly appreciate it.

Also, if we did do this, would he love us, would he consider us his parents? Would he be more than we can handle? Would he grow to be a bright, independent person or would he be a troubled soul for the rest of his life?

[kitana57]

Hi LS Ferreira,

Although I am not one of the gifted I still hope this advice helps a little. If you and your spouse decide collectively this is what you wish to do then you will have to do one of two things, first you would have to seek legal representation (you will have to know the legal ins and outs before you proceed), then you must speak with the parent or parents of the child because even if one parent signs over their rights (depending on the state) the other parent might still have theirs which may be a problem later on. There are also such things called an open adoption ( I don't know how this works, but if you get yourself a great legal mind they can clue you in on the details). Please do not adhere to everything psychologist say because sometimes they are wrong there have been case after case where children have been through the worst and back and some of these children have grown up to be some of the most influential people on the planet. This child might have had a rough start, but with the right amount of love and guidance can rise to be anything in life he wishes to be. Children are blank slates until they are taught and encoded with knowledge. I hope this at least sheds a little bit of light on things for you.

P.S. Never worry about a child loving you because that is what they do until they learn otherwise (children are resilient this way).

Good luck and best wishes,
kitana57 (Lisa)