Father just died/alone

[mountaingoat30]

Hi:

I recieved word last night that my father passed away. My mother is travelling to meet me, and should arrive in a couple days. My brother is working in rural India, and we haven't had the chance to inform him as of yet.

Unfortunately, a lifetime of solitude has exaggerated the loneliness I've been fighting the last few months, ever since I learned that my father was sick. Last weekend (the Canadian Thanksgiving Holiday) I travelled back to meet my parents, the last time I met my father alive. When I arrived back home, I was struck by a terrible emptiness that I couldn't shake, no matter how hard I tried to distract myself with work afterwards.

After recieving word that my father had passed on, I arrived at work hoping I could deny everything. Unfortunately, I found myself in the locked office of my HR rep in tears who advised me to go home. I've spent the whole day in bed, with no one to talk to about it.

Earlier in the month I was shunned by a co-worker with whom I shared a lot of social time. She was upset that I couldn't have supper with her, as I was too overcome with grief after learning that my father had taken a turn for the worse. Now whenever I see her at work, she pretends that I don't exist. As I have requested several times for us to talk it over and she has ignored me, I've become reluctant to request the slightest demand for attention from the friendliest acquaintance. It's too frightning too realize that no one has time for me.

Is there any way out of this?

[Kathy N]

I am truly sorry about the loss of your father. You must take time for yourself to grieve. This is a natural part of the healing process. After the memorial service you are likely to begin to come to peace with this, though you will continue to feel the loss. In time you will remember the happier times, before your father became ill. Don't expect too much from yourself right now-- everyone has to deal with bereavement in their own way. Some people need solitute, while others need to be around family and close friends.

As for your co-worker who has not been willing to discuss your reasons for not being able to keep the social engagement, perhaps you could write her a note to explain your situation? She might take the time to read it. She would then understand your feelings. If this doesn't change her attitude, perhaps that friendship is not worth your effort. You are a sincere, kind, and caring person and there are plenty of people who would be glad to have you as their friend.

Things will get better-- just allow yourself some time!

Take care,

[Candice Kennedy]

Friend? Hmmm. Sometimes it takes a true hardship to find out how true a friend is.

Is there a bereavement group like a group therapy of sorts you can attend?