Confused

[Beanier]

Hello Everyone:

My name is Brooke and I am 30 years old. I am new to the forum and looking to meet new people, especially in the New York area. I have been with my boyfriend for three and a half months. His name is Jonathan. We went to Florida together the first month we new each other. We feel hard and fast. About a month ago, he started acting distant. I havent heard from him in about three weeks and haven't seen him in a month. Just last night, he instant messaged me saying, "Hey." Very strange, since he never instant messages me. I replied back to him about an hour later and hasnt instant message me since. So weird. I care about him a lot but am confused why just say hey. I have been working on myself in the meantime, for instant getting healthy and looking to meet some different people besides my current friends. I have been asked out on dates but can't help that my heart doesnt want to meet anyone else and still belongs with him. Will this guy come around. I feel there is no other in the picture but I do deserve answers or communication. If anyone has someinsight on this situation, please feel free to respond. Thank-you all for your help and looking forward to meeting some new people who are adventurous.

Brooke

[Kathy N]

Brooke,
Quite possibly he started to feel that things were happening too fast. Although some guys seem to be fine with that at first, they start to get cold feet when it looks like it might end up being a lasting, committed relationship.

It is strange that you would receive a one word text. You did respond-- I sense that you will hear from him again. He needs to be willing to have an honest discussion with you about his behavior. You need to be cautious before allowing him to resume this relationship. I see about a 40% chance of it lasting for the long-term. Things could appear to be fine on the surface, but he could pull away again if he feels that it is turning into an exclusive committed relationship.

You would be wise not to attempt contact with him before he takes the next step. In the meantime, you are working on what you need to do to be a happier, healthier you!

Please keep in touch to let us know how things are going for you--

Take care!

[Beanier]

Kathy:

I would like to thank-you for your insight. That is very nice of you to reply to my post. IIf for some reason, which I dont, please feel free to let me know if there is another woman in the picture. 40% isn't great odds. LOL. It was very confusing to get that text. Hey, who says that and then responds and doesn't hear back. We do have a strong conenction, I do know that but will he ever contact with me or will it just linger on with no word because that would just be plain wrong? I have put in effort but needs to be a one way street. I was going to text him but want him to make an effort but should i text once a week anyways. I keep things light bc any hard stuff would send him running to the hills. I wonder if he thinks about us or he just has so much going on that this would just add on more stress. Thank-you much. Brooke By the way to you live in the New York area??

Brooke

[Kathy N]

Brooke,
The only connection to another woman that I see might be someone from his past. How much did he tell you about previous relationships, marriages, etc.? If he wasn't nervy enough to talk about other women to you -- like that he was also dating others, then it seems that he only wanted to be with you at that time.

I really do think that you will hear from him again, maybe months from now. He is testing you with the one word text! It would be better if you didn't try to contact him at all-- he knows that he acted like a jerk! Do you really want someone who thinks that he can waltz in and out of your life when it suits him? Could you really ever trust him again or feel secure in this relationship?

You have a very good sense of how things should be in a relationship. It is nice that you care so much, but you must not let him think that you are a doormat. There are ways to check up on people-- even thru the internet. You might do well to find out more about his background. This could help you to put things into perspective.

Sorry, but I don't live near New York!

Take care!